Your Secret Admirer
by Masked-Flame
Summary: Allen Walker loves a certain dark haired exorcist. But he hates Allen. Fearing the pain of rejection, Allen decides to write letters to him, only he doesn't know who wrote them. Yullen! Sorry for the sad attempt of a summary!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! So I've never written a romance before, but I've always loved this pairing! Please be kind to me and my story!**

"Welcome back Kanda~! How did your mission g-", Komui cheerful lets-greet-Kanda-back-from-his-mission-with-smiles idea was interrupted as his face was soon introduced to Kanda's fist. The angry teen was tire, sore, and hated people even _more_ than he usually did. The order better be wary for their own good.

The mission was a success of course, the innocence was captured and not even the finders got injured during the process. But, Kanda was tired and he hadn't eaten soba in a whole three days. All he wanted to do was go to the cafeteria, order his beloved noodles, and (though he'd never admit it) collapse onto his bed.

He dropped the draw-string cloth bag that contained the innocence onto the one spot on Komui's desk that _wasn't_ covered in piles of letters and papers, and left without saying a single word to the bellowing European Branch Head. "I'll be expecting you're report on the mission by tomorrow~!" was all Kanda heard before he slammed the door of the office.

'_Damn Komui and his cheerfulness. Maybe he'd shut up if I familiarized that thick skull of his to Mugen.'_

As the exorcist was consumed with thoughts of more ways to harm innocent people, he was still arrogantly striding down the halls. Busy halls. People made sure to give the brooding exorcist a girth of space though, fearing that if they got to close, they'd be murdered by 'the mighty mugen.' Well, at the smart ones did at least.

One less fortunate young finder was happily walking by while humming a light tune, as he ran face first into Kanda's chest. "Ah! My apologies, Sir Exorcist! I wasn't paying attention and I-", the young man stopped his babblings as they seemed to do nothing to calm Kanda's icy cold glare that sent him stumbling back a bit.

A throaty growl escaped Kanda's mouth and he lounged for the fleeting finder. "What the _hell_ was that for? Are you asking for me to slaughter you, because I'd be more than willing!" Kanda Brought the finders face up close and saw that the young man was just about paralyzed in fear.

He was about to show the finder his place if not for the sudden appearance of a gloved hand that grabbed his. "Let him _go_ Kanda." Allen commanded, his grip tightening ever so slightly. His silver-blue eyes were unusually cold and defiant. For some strange reason, Kanda found himself entranced with the bold flame that burned in the back of Allen's eyes, so he relented and released the poor finder onto the floor where he quickly scurried off.

Kanda just stared at Allen, his face not showing any emotion, making it clear to Allen that he was thinking about something. Allen took the time to admire the way that the Japanese teen's eyes sparkled when he glared at Allen, the way his eyebrows knit together as he contemplated, or that his pale lips formed a tight line.

That's when Allen noticed that Kanda had been talking. "…huh?" Allen managed to ask Kanda through his thoughts.

"Baka moyashi, I _said_ 'When are you going to get your damned hand off of me?" A growl finished his testament.

Allen's face was red in an instant as he realized that his hand was, in fact, still holding Kanda's.

He quickly retracted his arm back and avoided Kanda's harsh, yet curious gaze, fearing that he would only blush further.

After further inspection, the dark haired teen decided that he just_ didn't _care. "Che." And with that lengthy response, Kanda was off, his black hair swaying behind him. All Allen could do was stare at the receding back of Yuu Kanda.

(LINE BREAK)

Having given up on the idea of eating his beloved soba noodles that day, Kanda settled on the idea that he would just go to his room and meditate. Well the idea had seemed nice then; _peaceful_ even. But unfortunately, fate had other plans for him. Because when he entered his bland room, he had slipped on piece of paper. He _knew_ he hadn't put that there.

Picking up the alien piece of paper, preparing to through the garbage away, he realized that it was actually a letter.

Tearing open the plain white envelope with a single heart on it, Kanda roughly pulled out a piece of paper that had many words crossed out and ink splatters everywhere. Obviously whoever wrote the letter was not in the right of mind at the time.

_Dear Yuu Kanda,_

_I have been watching _you_ for a while now. At first I thought I hated you, but now I realize that I never hated you. I was _jealous_ of you. You were and are everything that I can never be. And I think I love you because of it. I love the way you walk with an air of confidence. I love how you don't care what anybody thinks about you, because you'll do whatever you want no matter what people say. I love the way that your words say one thing, but your actions say something else entirely. The way you practice every day. How you are so dedicated to your work. I love your long dark hair, and your deep blue eyes. I love everything about you. You do know me, but I will not be telling you who I am. I can't. I can't tell you because you hate me. _

_I love you, Yuu Kanda,_

_Your Secret Admirer._

Kanda was, for the first time ever, at a loss of words. Well, almost. He couldn't help but think a _few things._

'_Who the _hell_ actually writes love letters? And it doesn't seem like such a _secret_ admirer now that they've told me! Jeez this person's almost as stupid as the moyashi.'_

He didn't exactly know why he thought of the 'moyashi' just then, but he waved it off as a side effect of his exhaustion. Yeah, that's it. So for reasons still unknown to him, Kanda placed the letter carefully in a box on his otherwise empty desk.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor, he attempted to figure out who would be stupid enough to even fall in love with him.

This "Secret Admirer" had said that he had at once hated Kanda… Well, most people did, so that wasn't very helpful. They also said that Kanda knows them, and hates them… Okay so Kanda hates most people, but someone that he actually knows… '_Che, screw it'_

Kanda stood up and sat on his bed where he eventually drifted off into an uncomfortable dreamless sleep.

Meanwhile someone, somewhere, was busy writing their next love letter to Yuu Kanda.

**Meh. It's harder than I expected… So I would really appreciate it if you would review! As you all can probably tell, I'm new at this and I would very much like some tips and advice on how to make this a more enjoyable story! :D Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Thanks so much for those of you who are reading this, and thanks even more to those who reviewed! Oh, and Wohooo! Special mention to this story's VERY FIRST REVIEWER! Thanks Purple Pallbearer! You are officially awesome! (all of my readers are awesome but…) Oh, and I apologize in advance if this chapter isn't very good. I'm sick so I think the medicine is making me a little loopy… . **

"Che."

"Don't 'Che' me, young man! Something's wrong with you, and you're not saying what! You've been even more cranky than usual! Now tell me before I go tell my brother that you harassed me!" Lenalee's finger wagged dangerously in front of Kanda's brooding face.

"Woman, I told you! Nothing is wrong, now shut up and do something girly!" The swordsman picked up his now-empty soba bowl and disposed of it on top of a giant pile of dirty dished. _'Moyashi must have already eaten. Damn glutton.' _

Kanda was walking to the exit of the cafeteria with speed, with high hopes of not running into any other pesky individuals that would analyze his every move. Meaning Lavi. But, luck was never on his side. Just as he had taken the first step into the large hallway, long arms had wrapped themselves around his neck with no sign of loosening their deathly grip.

"Yuuuu~! I've been looking for you everywhere! I wanna spend time with my best bud!" Lavi was jumping up and down with joy while his arms were still around a now _very_ pissed off Kanda.

"Usagi… If you call me by that damn name again, I swear that I'll kill you in five seconds flat!" Kanda grabbed one of the redheads attached arms and twisted it around until Lavi fell to floor cradling his injured wrist. Without another glance toward the renewed bouncing rabbit, the dark haired exorcist finally got out of the far-too-crowded cafeteria.

(LINE BREAK)

After building up all her will power and strength, Lenalee peeked inside the tall, somewhat intimidating door. Kanda's room.

She was here on a mission. She just _had_ to figure out what was bugging Kanda. Not many people had picked up on the slight change of atmosphere around him, but Lenalee and Lavi had. Lenalee- being a self-announced friend of Kanda, took it upon herself to find out what was wrong. She had originally asked Lavi to accompany her on her quest to examine the dark teen's room, but the redhead had simply smiled nervously and run off with his tail between his legs. Apparently numerous death threats were poised at the idea of ever entering his room.

After discreetly following the Japanese exorcist out of the giant mess hall, she had soon trailed off, seeing as Kanda was making his way towards the training level. Perfect.

So now here, hazardously leaning inside of the gloomy samurai's room, Lenalee hesitantly pushed the door slightly to the side and stepped into the unknown surroundings. The first thing she though was 'boring'. Kanda's room was entirely empty aside from a small old bed in the far corner; an old rotting cabinet which she could only assume held his clothing, and a small wooden desk that contained a single Lotus flower that was tranquilly floating in an hour glass.

Lenalee approached the old desk, and shortly eyed the hourglass. The flower struck the female exorcist as strange indeed, but nonetheless, she waved it off for now, resuming her search for any hints that would unbury Kanda's somewhat strange actions.

That's when she noticed the lone small box on the very edge of the wooden table. It was a small silver rectangle with an intricate metal design lacing the top of the lid. Multiple silver vines ran together and overlapped with each other, all meeting in the center where a small blue gem laid. The box in itself was beautiful.

Lenalee couldn't help herself; she reached out and opened the box. When she took her first look, she froze. Shocked was a major understatement at what she found. Her eyes were large as she slowly placed down the lid. The girl couldn't do anything to stop the small grin that spread itself over her face. Because what she found inside that intricate little box, was a piece of neatly folded paper with a small heart drawn in the center of it.

'_Jackpot!'_ was all the snooping girl could think as the picked up the delicate piece of paper.

Leanalee couldn't seem to open the letter fast enough, as her eyes absorbed ever detail. She quickly read the letter. And then she read it again. And then she read it _again_. Lenalee just couldn't grasp the concept that somebody actually _loves_ Kanda. The antisocial samurai with a stick shoved up his ass.

As the grinning girl re-folded the _love _letter, she made sure to make everything look exactly as it had before she had gone and disturbed it all. Lenalee found herself still grinning as she left the Kanda's room. She had finished her mission. She found out what was wrong with the brooding dark-haired exorcist. He was troubled about the unknown secret admirer.

(LINE BREAK)

Allen was terrified.

He simply couldn't stop his nervous pacing, or his fast-beating heart. The first letter had been sent, and he was sure that by now, Kanda had read it.

Breakfast had been uneventful aside from the usual glances that finders had thrown at him in disgust of his giant mound of food. But Allen had learned to ignore these long ago. Just as Allen was leaving to go train in his room, he had overheard a certain Japanese exorcist's voice, yelling at a mischievous looking Lavi. He remembered how quickly he had fled the cafeteria, in high hopes that he wouldn't also get scolded by Kanda. Well, that's what he told himself. In all honesty the young white-haired boy just couldn't bring himself to face Kanda after he'd just sent his first letter to him.

It's not like Kanda could know it was him… Could he? Did he? No, he couldn't. But… If he found out... would he be disgusted? Disgusted because they're both boys? Disgusted because Allen was cursed? More and more questions bombarded the young boy's head as he sat himself down, in fears that if he continued to be standing up, the suddenly spinning world would cause him to lose his balance and fall.

'_Okay, _clear_ your mind, Allen. Maybe Kanda will like you if you ever tell him… Uuhh, _IF _I ever tell him?! Does that mean I might never tell him?! Why is this so confusing?!'_

Allen thought back to it, Kanda didn't seem to act like he knew that Allen held a burning love for him, but he _did_ notice that Kanda had been acting differently. Well, from what he saw. He really hadn't seen much of the dark haired teen today, except for when he was scolding Lavi for who-knows-what.

Finding his own trails of thought to be too difficult and confusing, Allen relented into calming himself down. To clear his mind of all the troubling questions and thoughts of being ignored, he got up only to heavily sit down at the chair in front of his neat desk.

A drawer laid partially askew out of the rest of the desk, and Allen hurriedly reached out to yank it open further. There in the desk lay a single pencil, many sheets of blank papers, and one finished love letter to Kanda Yuu. His second letter.

Finding it to calm himself and his nerves, the love-struck boy read his own letter.

_Dear Kanda Yuu,_

_I know I have just sent you another letter, and I'm not even sure if you've read it yet, but I will still continue to write to you. Honestly I've been nervous ever since I've first delivered that first letter. My mind's been filled with thoughts of Yuu. I've found that writing to you has calmed me down some, but I can't help but feel scared. Will you hate me if you ever find who I am, Kanda? I don't want you to hate me. I love you, and I want you to love me too, but I fear that this is hope is in vain. I don't think you will ever love somebody like me. I'm not worthy to even be speaking with you. But I can't stop myself, so I shall continue to write to you as long as I can. Because I love you. And I'll love you more and more each passing day. _

_I love you even more today Kanda Yuu,_

_Your Secret Admirer. _

**Anndd cut! Alright, I know that there's not much Allen in this chapter, but at least I update right? I don't really like this chapter very much, seeing as it kinda resolves around Lenalee the Spy… Plus I'm on sickness medication so there's that too… Also! Please review! I've had so many lovely reviews so far, and I'd love to hear from even more of you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Okay first of all, I'd like to thank all of you who have read and reviewed! You're all fabulous! I was soo happy when I read them all! I taped all the reviews to my wall... And, um, this chapter is kind of boring as it's more of the mental tearing apart on each of their parts… (muahaha :D) So not much conversing...Not yet ;) Okay without further ado, here it is.**

Allen ran back to his room, threw the door closed, and collapsed on the bed. His chest was rising and falling and he was sure that his heart would burst open from beating too fast. Allen slowly sat up and tried to calm his racing pulse. He hadn't run that fast in a long time. Though, he wasn't exactly sure _why_ he had run that quickly. You might call it instinct. Allen didn't.

The previous night, the white-haired exorcist had finally mentally steeled himself enough to deliver his next letter. He had gotten the note under the door successfully, only there was one problem: Kanda was still in his room at the time. As he had done before, Allen bolted down the corridor after he slid the tiny piece of paper under the door, but it was just _too _close. What if Kanda had caught him? What if he had seen some strands of Allen's white hair before he fully rounded the corner? What if he already knew it was Allen? Well… Allen highly doubted that last one. Kanda didn't seem to want to murder him… At least, not any more than usual…

Though that happened last night, the young teen had still been relatively jumpy throughout the entire day. That morning he had sat by himself at breakfast, fearing that Lavi could tell he was being cautious of, well, everything. He had entirely skipped over his semi-usual practice with sparring Kanda in the training level; he didn't even _want_ to imagine the stupid things that would end up coming from his mouth. And just now he had run back to his room in order to avoid Lenalee and Lavi, who were apparently looking for him everywhere. What they had wanted to talk about, he had no idea.

He knew he was acting ridiculous, but that didn't stop him from avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone. He had heard once that eyes were the window to the soul. He really hoped that that wasn't true, because if it was, then he would be in a lot of trouble with Kanda by now. He probably wouldn't even make it out alive.

It was hardly sunset now, but Allen figured that he would just lay down and rest his eyes, who knows, maybe sleep was just what he needed. He doubted it though…

(LINE BREAK)

Kanda Yuu had had enough.

He had let it slide by the first time, but the raven-haired exorcist never imagined the possibility that it would happen _again_. Those damn letters.

Just three days ago, he had oh-so-wonderfully slipped on the little piece of paper that had made its way under his door. If that wasn't enough, when he actually read the little bastard, he had found that it was full of girly, gushy lovey-dovey crap! But, because it's Kanda, and life just _loves_ to mess with Kanda, he just had received _another _message.

He had been meditating, clearing his mind from the outside world, his blissful retreat; it was his _meditation, _when the soft sound of someone sighing could be barely distinguished through the silence of the room. It appeared to be coming from the other side of his door. Tuning his ears to concentrate on the oddly careful noises, he could then hear the quiet ruffling of paper, and light footsteps that seemed to be running away.

Debating whether or not to just ignore the pestering interest that had started to grow in his mind, curiosity eventually got the best of him, and the swordsman opened one of his eyes. When he saw the folded whit sheet of paper with yet another heart drawn lightly over the fold, he groaned. With a deep growl, he angrily stood up and picked up the second offender of his otherwise spotless floor.

Taking a seat at his simple desk, Kanda opened his second letter, preparing for the worst.

And it was worse. Though apparently not the_ worst_, because the unknown 'Admirer' had claimed that he would be sending even _more_ 'love notes'. Just. Great.

So now, the day after he received his second letter, he was really, REALLY, starting to lose it.

First of all, how, _how_, could someone _love_ him. A small fraction of the reason for his arrogant of mean exterior was to get people like this away. Well, only a very small fraction… Nonetheless, this 'Secret Admirer' was starting to vex Kanda more and more. He didn't want, some random stranger to start from a girly little crush on him, and he didn't want to be wasting his precious meditation time thinking about it either!

On top of that, the fact that he wasn't going to be told who it was frustrated him even more. Just getting these letters was more than enough, but then the anonymous letter writer had decided that he _wasn't going to tell him who he was!_ Kanda was pissed. He didn't want to know who this person was so that he could convey his feelings– which were nonexistent, by the way- to the person, but he wanted to know who the hell it was, because he wanted to make them go away.

It's not as if there were many girls at the order in the first place. Well, none that he actually _knew_. And accorder to the mysterious person, he knew them personally. Lenalee was the first girl that came to his mind, but there was _no _way that Lenalee would fall for him. Thank god. So, there Kanda was, sitting alone in his bland room, fists curled and pulling his hair in frustration, trying to have the vaguest idea of the moron that would fall in love with him.


	4. Chapter 4

**This shall be my fourth chapter to this humble story! I'm not sure how many people actually have been enjoying this story, but I enjoy writing it! Thank you so much for your amazing reviews! I love them all! (they're still on my wall...)**

"Allen! Allen!" Lenalee's light voice filled the halls of the black order, causing a few finders to turn their head in interest. The girl's insistent yelling never stopped once though. She _had_ to find Allen. She _had_ to tell him about Kanda and his little box with the letter in it.

Of course she had planned on telling the hyper-active redhead known as Lavi about her 'little discovery' with the always-brooding samurai wannabe, but _apparently _he had been unable to talk due to being forced off to studying with Bookman. Since when has that ever stopped him?

Lenalee ran down the long corridors and found the white-haired exorcist in a rather… _strange_ place. That place being none other than in front Yuu Kanda's room. The Order's very own moody samurai.

She immediately pushed the strangeness of the location away, figuring that the boy was probably just lost… Again.

"Uh, hey! Allen!" He seemed to be in some kind of trance, because when the girl tapped his shoulder to nab his attention, he jumped up and his hands instantly flew behind his back.

"L-Lenalee! Good morning!" Allen slowly inched away from the samurai's door.

"Allen….It's two O'clock in the afternoon…"

"Eeeh?! Are you sure? Wait then that means tha-"

"Moyashi, just what the _hell_ are you doing in front of my room?" Kanda's sickly calm voice sent shivers down the younger two's back. Well, they both had shivers for entirely different reasons…

Allen slowly turned around to meet a very… eye-catching Kanda. His long ebony hair that was usually pulled back in a tight hairband, was cascading down his back with water droplets rolling off of the long strands. The towel that was placed around his bare neck and shoulders gave off the impression that he'd just finished his sword training. The thing that Allen had stared at most though was Kanda's bare, toned chest. Kanda had apparently judged the temperature to be too hot for wearing a shirt while training with his beloved Mugen. Just Allen's luck.

The swordsman's deep cobalt eyes glared at the cursed boy as his face seemed to get redder by the second, making his white hair stick out even more. When a light giggle filled the air, the read-faced boy quickly turned to see the girl staring at him. That was when Kanda himself had noticed that Lenalee, the only person he could stand to be around, was there standing next to the red-faced moyashi. He grunted in greeting to her, but much to his annoyance, the girl just ignored him and continued to pester Allen.

"Allen?! What's wrong?" The worried girl lifted a delicate hand and placed it over Allen's forehead. "Are you feeling okay, your head's really warm!"

"I-I'm fine! I just… Need to rest! Ya… So, uh, see you two later!" Before he was even finished talking, Allen had already sped off into the opposite direction that his room was in, leaving behind two _very_ confused exorcists.

"…He didn't even react when you called him 'moyashi'… and isn't his room is the other way?" Lenalee thought out loud.

"Che." Kanda turned on his heel and strode into his room without a care in the world.

(LINE BREAK)

Once Allen had finally found his room, he collapsed onto bed. He threw the paper he had been hiding behind his back onto his pillow as he ran through the events in his mind again.

He had been _trying_ to deliver something, but Lenalee just _had_ to come at that moment. Just think what would happen if she found out! If she found out, then she would inevitably tell Lavi, which means that the entire order would know within a week. No, he couldn't afford to think that way. He must stand strong! He wouldn't let his own perceptions of what _could_ happened cause him to stumble!

But… Kanda had been shirtless with beads of sweat rolling down his muscular chest and his hair was so beautiful when it was swaying with the motion as he yelled at him… Allen clawed at his face attempting to remove the blush that had spread again.

He flung himself into a sitting position and grabbed at the sheet of paper that he'd thrown onto his pillow not five minutes ago.

With a half sad, half happy sigh, he picked up the letter and gingerly set it on the small desk in the corner of his room.

It was just his third letter… just his third letter. It seemed that every time he would try to deliver one of the letters though, something bad would happen and it'd interrupt the delivery. Allen was almost positive that it was Lady Fate that had decided that Allen should never love Kanda… Yes, yes that had to be it.

(LINE BREAK)

It was now 10 O'clock pm; nearly eight hours since the surprised meeting with Kanda and Lenalee in the hallway, and about ten seconds before Allen was about ready to kick himself into the hallway and finally deliver the letter.

He had been alone in his room for eight hours. Eight hours of procrastination. Eight hours of pacing inside his own room. Eight hours of ripping his hair out as thoughts and unreachable dreams of Kanda filled his brain.

He writes his letters full of words that could try and explain his feelings towards the cold dark-haired exorcist, but he had only just barely understood his own feelings.

Why Kanda? Allen knew that Kanda hated him. He _knew_ it. But a while ago, something had started to bubble up inside him. It didn't take long for the boy to realize that the unknown feeling was a desire of sorts. Maybe love?

Being abandoned at such a young age and then being taken in under some drunken skirt-follower, did not show him the prime example of what real, _true_ love was. Just what _was _love? Was it just a feeling? Only an attraction? Was it a merely a passing emotion due to his hormonal body? Whatever it was, Allen couldn't have been more confused. It didn't help that Kanda, whether he was aware of it or not, was sending mixed messages as well.

After going on a mission with only Kanda in a freezing cold climate, Allen's feelings had quickly heightened. The innocence was said to have been sighted on a mountain, which was at the current time, covered in three feet of snow. Allen had been easily exhausted and the snow had chilled him to the bone. Before either of them could realize it, Allen's pace had slowed down and the young exorcist had fallen to his knees in the snow, consciousness fleeting. In hindsight, Allen would've expected for the sword wielder to just scoff at his lack of tolerance, and leave him there for death to drag him in. But that wasn't what happened. No, Kanda, _The _Kanda Yuu, had bent down and actually _carried_ him all the way to their tiny cabin two miles north. On top of that, the elder teen had even gone so far as to sleep next to Allen in order to conserve his body heat! Of course later, Kanda denied and had simply retaliated saying that it was merely to make sure that the 'moyashi' wouldn't hinder the mission any further, but Allen couldn't help but feel his feelings of _attraction_ or _ passing hormones, _or whatever it was, soon blossom into that of love. Well, what he knew of love anyway.

So many other memories, not unlike that one up on the mountain, had occupied his mind for those seven and a half hours. And now, standing in his own room at 10 pm, Allen was still mentally debating with himself over whether or not he should just go and give his next letter. He was nervous. Or for use of a better word; petrified. What if they caught him again? No, no, no! He had to get over himself! _Every time_ he delivered one of these letters, he always had those thoughts!

With that last thought, the white haired teen pulled open his door, note in his pocket, and he stealthily navigated his way towards Kanda's room (at least where he presumed it to be. Curse his lack of direction…).

Not ten minutes later, Allen found himself in front of the recently-familiar black door. He swore, every time he saw it, the door grew at least a few inches. Now the door seemingly towered over the boy and he cowered by it.

Quickly Allen pulled himself together and quietly placed his ear next to the wood of the tall door, listening for any signs of the long-haired male inside of it.

_Silence_

Deeming it quiet enough to pass as empty, Allen quickly slid the sheet of paper from his pocket to the other side of the door, through the crack under the door.

Mission accomplished.

After he wiped the beading sweat on his forehead, Allen bolted back to his own room and slid down onto the floor on the other side of his door.

That night found Allen sitting there on the floor for another long hour, only smiling like a fool and reminiscing in his few happy memories with Kanda, hoping to make more soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Woah, guys! Look! I'm still alive! Shocking isn't it…. Sorry about not updating sooner, I'm not lying, my internet HAS been out for the past few weeks!. Anyways! You guys RULE! Abosotively posolutely ROCK! Duuddee this is my fifth chapter and I'm already at 30 reviews! Holy friggin' cow! A **

"Oh Allen~!"

"Y-yes Lenalee?"

"So guess what I found i-"

"Beansprout!"

"Lavi, not now, I want to talk to Allen."

"But Lenalee! Allen wants to talk to me~! After all, I _am_ his best friend!"

"So, anyways! Allen, you'll neevveerr guess what happened when I-"

"Beansprout, so I was talking to-"

"G-guys…"

"-and _then_ she said that-"

"-but when I found that-"

"Guys…Guys…GUYS!"

Lavi and Lenalee both stopped their excited talking and stared at the white haired boy sitting across from them at the cafeteria room table who was now a little embarrassed to have the attention.

"U-um… I'm kind of…busy right now…" Lenalee seemed to back down from Allen, but the hyper redhead showed no signs of calming his incessant bouncing and smiling as he tried to nab the younger boy's attention for whatever reason he had planned in that devious head of his.

"But come on~, Beansprout! You've been shutting yourself up in that boring room of yours forever! I wanna hang with my buddy!" Lavi began to pull on Allen's arm and poking his cheek.

That was when Allen let loose the creepiest grin that Lavi had ever seen. He felt his eyes twitching and his arms had actually frozen in place. The white haired boy slowly turned his head towards the not-moving redhead and spoke in a sickly sweet voice. "Lavi, unless you wish to lose your _other_ eye as well, I believe it would be in your best interest to kindly NEVER CALL ME BEANSPROUT AGAIN!" The giant grin soon diminished to show a positively evil glare.

"Y-yeah, you betchya A-Allen!" The rabbit then fled from the demonic beansprout with his tail between his legs.

Lenalee, who had been watching this short play of events, burst out laughing. "A-Allen-haa- how d-did you haha- do that?! I thought ha- you were the sweet one! Hahahaa!" The girl wiped away a tear that had escaped from laughing too hard.

All hints of maniacal, evil aura had now dissipated into thin air as Allen cutely cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean, Lenalee?"

"Eh-nothing… So! Anyways! What are you so~ busy with? It looks to _me_ like you're not doing anything."

A look of realization dawned over Allen's face and he quickly grabbed his bag close to him while frantically waving his arms in front of the questioning girl. "N-no! N-nothing! I mean… I'm doing…stuff… It's in my bag! And I am really _quite_ busy so please, shoo!"

Lenalee looked rather offended at this. "Aww! Alleenn! I just want to talk to you! Am I not your friend? Do you not want to talk with me at all?"

That did it. Allen couldn't resist. She had pulled _it_. She had pulled the bambi eyes. No one could refuse Lenalee when she unleashed the big pleading eyes that actually seemed to sparkle.

"…Ugh, fine!"

"Yay! Okay, so you will seriously _never_ guess what I found in Kanda's room!"

"You were in Kanda's room?!" The scar-faced boy's mind was instantly full of doubt. If Lenalee was in Kanda's room then…. It must be because they're in a relationship… Kanda never lets _anyone _in his room.

'_I mean, why else would she be in there? I probably should have seen this coming. After all, Lenalee and Kanda have grown together. I'm just some annoying new kid that's been here for a year or two. Who even cares? Plus doesn't she meditate with him every once in a while? Some form of comfort for her? Since they're in a relationship that would also make sense why he never gets angry at her… I would never stand a chance… I mean she _is_ a girl. Kanda wouldn't want to date a boy… Dammit…'_

"Yoohoo! Allen! You in there?!"

"Huh? Oh! I'm sorry! What were you saying?" Lenalee was no expert but you didn't have to be in order to know that Allen sounded depressed.

"I said that Yeah, I was in Kanda's room! I snuck in so that I could find something! And I did find it!" Lenalee was now practically bouncing up and down in her seat.

Allen sat straighter up in his chair. She had said 'snuck in', does that mean…that she isn't with Kanda? Now he had confused himself…

"Wait a second, slow down! What _exactly_ did you find? Tell me slowly so I can actually _understand_ you."

The girl took a steady, deep breath and did as her friend had told her. "Okay, so when I first entered Kanda's room, all I could think was 'bo-ring.' But, then I found a really beautiful and ornate box on his desk! And _guess_ what I found inside!" it was silent so Allen figured that the girl had actually meant for him to stab a try at what was inside the strange box.

"Um… his porn stash?"

"What?! EW, Allen, no! Jeez, and here I thought you were the sweet innocent one…" The white haired boy was now heavily blushing and avoiding Lenalee's eyes.

"Anyways… When I looked inside the box, I found letters. But not just _any_ letters; they were _love_ letters!" Allen froze, but the girl kept on animatedly talking.

"I cannot believe it! Isn't that just hilarious?! I guess it's kind of cute too but, I just feel so bad for whoever likes that heartless bastard, I mean, he's going to totally rip out their heart and then tear it to pieces once he finds out who it is."

Now that had hurt. Allen liked to think that he had at least some chance with Kanda. "How do you know that…? Couldn't there be a possibility that Kanda likes the person back?" He blinked his eyes a couple time, letting out the innocent front.

Lenalee scoffed, oblivious to the emotional whirlpool her young friend was caught in the middle of. "Ha! Yeah right! Once there was this gorgeous and sweet girl- a finder no less- who had admitted her undying love to Kanda…." Lenalee went silent but seemed to flinch as if recalling a horrendous memory."

"…and…?" Allen, now curious, urged the teen girl on.

"Well… Let's just say that she ended up in the infirmary with sword wounds and she never spoke to Kanda again… Poor girl was crying for months after…" The girl looked off into the distance and sympathetically nodded as if she was still dealing with the heartbroken girl.

She was too busy reliving her story that she didn't notice the now crest-fallen Allen starting to get up and leave.

'_Kanda hurt someone-a beautiful girl nonetheless- who confessed to him… He's also been in a bad mood ever since I started writing those letters to him… Either Kanda's already with someone or he's asexual…'_

He was leaning more towards the latter.

As Allen wasn't feeling as high spirited as he had before, the boy quickly found the staircase and started climbing them until he had found the roof. He usually escaped to the roof when he was feeling down or when he just wanted some alone time.

Although it was usually cold, he could always deal with it. At least here he was safe from prying eyes that were always trying to read whatever he was writing, or a nosy Lavi and Lenalee getting into his personal space when he really needed to think things through…

The pondering boy sat down on the ground which was still damp from a recent downpour and carefully pulled out the piece of paper he had been writing on until his two friends had rudely interrupted him.

Allen wasn't entirely sure what to do; Kanda seemed to be in an even more foul mood since he has received the letters (which has been confirmed by Lenalee that Kanda has received these letters), but he also wanted to continue writing them. Would it just annoy Kanda?

But he needed to keep sending them, if he didn't, then he would more than likely end up doing or saying something stupid –like confessing-, since there was no other way to vent his otherwise-bottled up feelings.

Allen sighed. That's something he just couldn't do.

He couldn't confess to Kanda.

Not yet, probably not ever.

As painful as it was, it was most likely the truth.

He grimaced.

In fact it was _really_ painful. Did he have a headache before? He noticed that he was feeling a little sore as well…

Deciding to push the meandering thoughts away, he stared at the half finished letter and reread it over.

_Kanda,_

_I've noticed your change in attitude lately. I'm sincerely sorry if it is my doing. Although I haven't spoken to you in person for a while, I still continue to watch you, forgive me. As I am relatively sure that you are not fond of my letters that does not mean that I will stop. To be honest, if I stop writing to you, I feel like I would inevitably confess to you in person. I can't do that; you would never speak to me again, would you? -__I pray that one day you would retur- _

That was where the letter stopped. Not only because he had been interrupted, but also because he wasn't even sure what to say.

The boy desperately wanted to write 'I pray that one day you would return my own feelings', but Allen knew deep down in his heart that that would never happen. He knew that no matter how much he loved the man, it would never ever be returned.

So what could he do?

He had already promised himself that he wouldn't stop writing, but what else was there? The boy thought and thought, but nothing seemed to come to his mind.

Allen began to get rather frustrated with the subject, so he just stopped thinking all together and started writing the end to his letter.

'_So I will try my hardest to be someone that won't annoy you, a friend that you feel you can trust, and an admirer I hope you won't mind. Well, I guess that's all I have to say this time..._

_Oh, and one more thing,_

_I love you._

_Your Secret Admirer_

Allen sighed, he finished it. It had seemed to get more and more difficult with each passing letter.

Suddenly a few of the words from his letter had started to run, it didn't take long for the momentarily confused boy to learn that raindrops had started to fall from the grey sky, and that an oncoming shower was about starting. Allen quickly threw his note into his small bag and ran back inside to the relatively warm shelter.

It was unfortunate that the rain had left some effects on the paper, but there was little to nothing that could be done about that.

With much difficulty and waning patience, Allen finally spotted the level that housed Kanda's room. Suddenly the world started spinning. Allen's hand shot out to steady himself on the wall, but it didn't seem to help much. Only a few seconds later and the dizzy spell was gone as suddenly as it had appeared. At first the boy had contemplated this; could it have been something serious? He quickly discarded that thought and alluded that the cause was the long flight of stairs he descended (and then ascended after going past the right floor), on top of that, he hardly got to finish his dinner with Lavi and Lenalee deciding to be rather talkative today.

After reassuring himself this, Allen continued to Kanda's door. He really wanted to deliver this letter without any hitches. And for once, he did! He slowly bent down, despite his oddly stiff and sore legs, and gingerly slid the note under.

When he stood back up the world was once again revolving. It wasn't as bad this around, but he still relied on the walls for support the rest of his journey back his room. The walk back was surprisingly short, considering he had lost his way twice. But once he arrived to his room, he was considerately exhausted; both physically and emotionally.

The majority of his slow walk back, Allen had been thinking about Kanda. Again.

By now, the boy realized that he really should stop obsessing over the elder he loved, knowing that in the end, he would only receive heart break, but no matter how hard he attempted to busy his mind with other things, he always wound up imagining Kanda more. Allen really hadn't meant for his 'little' crush to turn into such an overwhelming obsession, yet he slowly found that no matter the situation, he always _did_ end up fixating his mind over the raven haired man. Especially since he's hardly seen said man in a couple of days. Only brief glances or chance run-ins.

Yep, definitely enough to drive him to obsession.

Allen sighed.

Why did it have to be Kanda?

Why _him_?

Out of all the people in the order, he just had to fall in love with the one person that hates him most. Why couldn't he have just fallen in love with some nice finder girl?

Who was shorter than him.

The frustrated boy sat heavily down on his bed. His head had begun to throb on his way back to his room, but now it seemed to double in pain. He realized that his thoughts on the way to his room had probably distracted him from the pain. But now, he felt it in all its vengeance.

Again, must be a sign that he was stupid for falling in love with the forbidden.

He chuckled darkly; no matter how often he or other things reminded him, he never quit in admiring Kanda. What a fool he was.

Allen slowly lied down on his bed and cringed when the pain came back and even the slight creaking of the old protesting springs in the mattress irritated his now strangely sensitive ears.

'_No. Nope, I'm not getting sick. No way. Nuh-uh. I have to keep writing Kanda. Nope. I'm definitely _not_ sick. I'll just get some sleep… I'll feel better in the morning.'_

With his new set ignorance, Allen tightly shut his eyes and fell into a deep sleep almost instantly.

**I actually had more written for this chapter, but I took it out and moved it to the next chapter cause it didn't quite fit in XD Sorry**

**Review please! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey! Thanks for the wonderful reviews so far, guys! Oh how I love you all! **** There's not much Allen in this chapter, but I promise I'll make it up to you eventually! So I figured I should update early since I took so long last time… Enjoy please! **

Lavi stared at Lenalee, his deep gaze would have pierced anybody else to the core, but the pleased girl beside him didn't seem at all effected by it. He angled his head this way and that, as if trying to figure out what this alien creature walking next to him was telling him. Nope. Nothing. It made no sense. She might as well have been speaking gibberish to him.

"Wait, so… I'm sorry, what?" the fiery-haired exorcist stumbled.

"You heard me!" The girl threw her hands into the air for exclamation. "Someone loves Kanda!"

They went silent.

The only noise that could be heard was the sound of soft footsteps and the rain that had started pouring and was now tattering against the tall roof of the order. The silence and tranquility was short lived though, as loud booming laughter soon took its place, resounding from none other than Lavi's mouth.

"Haha! Good one, Lena! For a second there, I totally took you seriously! Who said you couldn't be funny- oh, wait, that was me…" Lavi dodged the kick that was soon after headed to him.

The girl huffed, "I'm _not_ kidding Lavi! I saw the notes myself! Somebody really does seem to have a major crush on Kanda!"

"Y-you've got to be kidding me… I mean… No way! That's insane! Who'd be _that _stupid?! I mean, the poor girl must be blind! Or deaf! Or… Ya know… Mentally unstable…" He held in another round of crude and raucous laughter.

"I know that was my reaction! But I can only feel so bad for whoever it is… I mean, it's Kanda. _The _Kanda. Everyone knows not to mess with him!" Lavi nodded enthusiastically, agreeing with her.

" Hey! Hey! We should figure out who it is! It'll be like a mystery! This'll be fun!" the teen crouched down and looked as though he was trying to be sneaky, though completely failing as he continued to goose step through the halls.

"Definitely! You know, I don't know why I didn't tell you first! I mean, I told Allen earlier today, but he didn't say anything! Honestly, I think something's been wrong with him recently…"

"I saw him walking by after dinner; he really did look down now that you mention it! Wonder what's wrong with the guy."

Lenalee hummed in response, and stopped walking. "Hey, uh Lavi, I've got to go, but how 'bout we bug Kanda about the letters tomorrow?"

"Sure! Where ya going?" The ever curious teen asked.

"Um, nowhere?" Lavi knew that Lenalee was horrible at lying, but this was just ridiculous. However he let it go, nonetheless.

In all reality, the girl was now rather worried about her short white-haired friend. She had at first believed that it was only her imagination that Allen was depressed, but Lavi was a bookman-in-training, and was never _ever_ wrong about these things.

She was going to get answers. Today.

Just then, lightning struck outside, and she froze.

Did she say today? She meant tomorrow!

Lenalee turned on her heel and made her way back towards her own room, already planning her little pep talk for Allen the next day.

(LINE BREAK)

"Lenalee~!" Lavi ran and grabbed onto the girl's hand that wasn't supporting the almost empty tray with a few coffee mugs balancing on top.

"Hold on Lavi! I just have to find and deliver this coffee to Komui so he can wake up, and then I can chat." Lavi looked down at Komui, who was sitting right next to them.

"… He's right there…"

"Oh… I knew that… Here's your coffee Komui!" Lenalee smiled as she reached to provide her older brother with his favorite mug that was decorated with a pink bunny. Who said that all adults had to be mature? Whoever it was, they were wrong.

As Komui was getting up to tackle his sister into a giant good morning hug, Lavi pulled her out of the room, leaving the elder looking confused and wondering where his sibling had gone.

"Lavi, what?" The girl practically shouted at her redhead friend. She didn't like being roughly pulled to random places. And she was in high heeled boots, which made it even worse.

The taller exorcist just looked at her rather deflated and pointed down the hall. " Yuu-chan. We're gonna talk to him today, right?"

Realization dawned over Lenalee's small features and a bright smile soon took its place. "Oh, duh, that's right! Let's go now then!"

Lavi allowed himself to be dragged by his smaller friend and they soon found themselves at the training floor, where they knew that Kanda would be exercising in, as he always was.

Just as they were about to enter into the special room that Kanda usually meditated in, a group of about four finders and one scientist ran out of the room, looking terrified.

The duo sighed. Kanda was definitely in there.

"Oi, morons!" A sword soon flew to the door next to their heads and the two friends looked at each other, not even fazed, and walked right in.

"Yuu! I've missed you~!" Lenalee held Kanda back as he made a move to attack the bouncing rabbit that was idiotically smiling.

"What the hell do you two want?" The long-haired man barked once being released from the girl's surprising strong grip.

"Lavi, stop teasing Kanda. Kanda, stop being an ass." The girl commanded the two males who both went silent when they heard her take on her 'scolding mother' voice.

"Yes, Lenalee." The redhead answered solemnly, as Kanda only let out a 'hn' to show that he'd behave… For now.

It was silent for a few seconds before Lenalee looked at the redheaded exorcist and nodded in sign that he should be the one to ask the grumpy teen first.

With a few steps forward, he cleared his throat and built up his courage. "So… Y-Kanda," Lavi started, calling the man by his preferred name in order to not get him upset straight off the bat.

He had to be smooth. He had to be sly. He had to just subtly hint to Kanda about the letters. He couldn't give everything away straight out. Yes, placidity was the key.

"So, who're the letters from, Lover Boy?"

Oops.

That wasn't exactly what he planned to do… Oh well.

Kanda growled and whipped his head to the side, glaring at the redhead with ferocity.

"Who the hell told you about those?!" A glare that was sent to Lavi, just bounced off of him, as Lavi stared, intent on getting an answer to his own question.

When that didn't seem to be happening, Lenalee interjected. "That doesn't matter, what _does_ matter is that someone loves you! What are you going to do about them?" She accidentally let a little _too_ much curiosity leak into her voice.

"What does it even have to do with you? And what the fuck do you care about what I'm going to do about it?!"

"Tsk tsk, Yuu! No swearing, there's children here." Lavi teased.

"There's no fucking children! And Shut up, rabbit!"

"Um… Kanda? You okay there? You seem… angrier than usual." Lenalee backed up when Kanda pointed at her harshly.

"You two are annoying me! And how the hell did you get those damn filthy letters anyway?!"

"I-I'm sorry… I just thought… that maybe you would want to talk to somebody about it… Sorry…" She quieted her voice and her gaze lowered, but sorrow was sure to be found within them.

Lavi looked at Kanda, completely and utterly shocked. "You made her cry! What kind of man _are _you?"

The question was left hanging in the air as Kanda stood still, visibly unsure of how to approach the emotional female.

"I don't know who the da- letters are from.." Kanda replied, leaving out the vulgarity he would have used if not for the fact that he was _attempting_ to comfort Lenalee. Said girl looked up, all traces of tears or sadness gone.

'_She played us,'_ ran through both of her friend's minds.

"You don't? Have you even been trying to figure out who it is? Aren't you even kind of curious? I mean, someone loves you desperately, and you just don't care? Really?" Lenalee shook her head in disbelief at the scowling swordsman.

"No. I don't care about whoever the stalker is."

"…"

"Well! There you have it!" Lavi piped in, figuring that his time was spent, and if he'd stayed any longer then Kanda would most likely kill him. So the redhead shot up and grabbed the girl, pulling her towards the exit.

Once they were safely out in the hall, Lenalee huffed. "Well that was almost a complete waste of time."

"But at least we know that the letters were definitely to Kanda! And we know that he doesn't know who sent them! That's something… that doesn't really help us at all…" The redheaded rabbit sighed.

Secretly they were both wishing that Kanda had received the letters, found whoever the admirer was, and had gotten together with the person… But, unfortunately, their plans were ruined.

"And hey! What was with the trickery?! Fake crying… Honestly… You're as bad as Allen." Lavi exhaled, childishly bitter.

"Allen!"

Lenalee, as if broken from a trance, suddenly remembered the previous night when she had been set on going to talk with Allen, but was sidetracked by visiting Kanda. She ran down the hall, as Lavi watched her go, confusion taking the place of his missing friend.

As she rounded the final corner to get to her young friend's room, Lenalee couldn't help but feel slightly bad for her absentmindedness. She had now known for sure that Allen was feeling depressed or sad or just not happy in general, and yet she had still neglected to talk to him. Why? Because she was insensible and forgot.

With more desperateness to renew herself, she barged into the room without even knocking to aware the boy inside said room. When she closed the heavy door behind her and looked up to take in the surroundings of the boy's room, she was utterly shocked to find the boy seemingly asleep at his desk, his arms crossed under his head forming a make-shift pillow.

The girl slowly approached the desk and found under further inspection that lying beneath his concealing white bangs, the young teen's eyes were in fact closed and he was sleeping. However his eyes were tightly clamped shut and beads of sweat were rolling down his cheek and forehead while his usually pale face was unhealthily flushed.

Lenalee took in the situation and began to shake the slumbering exorcist, attempting to wake him from his uncomfortable position. After her ministrations proved to show fruitless results, she huffed.

Whether from the girl's ceaseless pushing, or just by himself, Allen soon groaned and he sat up, stretching his arms that had gotten cramped and stiff in the time he had slept on them.

A small noise sounded as though something light had been dropped, and Lenalee looked onto the surface of the desk and noticed that a pen had been rolling away, apparently have been just dropped from Allen's grasp. That was what had brought Lenalee's attention to the paper that was spread over the table, previously hidden by the boy's sleeping figure.

She couldn't quite tell for sure, but it looked like a- a note? No, it couldn't be. She quickly waved it off.

A small yawn sounded from the boy and he turned around, only to jump up from his seat when he spotted his violet-eyed friend, watching him not two feet away.

"L-Lenalee!"

She was right.

He was definitely sick.

His small, usually light and soft voice was now raspy and sounded as if he had sandpaper down his throat. It sounded painful just to listen to it. Allen seemed to notice this as well, and he frowned in confusion. Abruptly he looked to the desk and his eyes widened. In a sudden dash of white, Allen had sprawled his arms over the desks contents trying to hide the notes from Lenalee's prying gaze. Only to have to lean over slightly and gasp, as he had gotten dizzy from the quick movement that brought him the papers.

Lenalee strode over to Allen and softly brought her small hand over his forehead. "Allen! What are you doing?! You're sick! Get in bed! And do _not_ go running around! You're going to faint or something!" Mother-hen mode was instantly turned on as the girl dragged the weakly protesting boy to his bland gray bed.

He was gently pushed down unto the mattress as his friend pulled the sheets up and tucked him in as a mother would do to her young child at nighttime. With a small moan, Allen cracked open his unfocused gray eyes and looked up at Lenalee.

" 'm not sick… nn fainting's girly… won't faint…" It was mumbled through the blankets that had been pulled over his mouth, but Lenalee had hardly any trouble discerning the boy's slurred words.

"Allen don't be stubborn! Your head is burning! What on earth were you doing? And to fall asleep at a desk, no less… Honestly Allen… You can be so careless." She let out an indignant breath.

Just then, something in the boy's uneasy mind clicked, and he shot up in bed, pausing only momentarily to grasp at his head to steady the spinning. His dilated eyes looked around shakily until they landed on the papers he had earlier stridden to hide.

The girl easily followed his line of sight and spotted the same letters she noticed earlier.

"say… Allen?-"

Before she could continue the sick boy had reached out towards the desk with a shaky hand. "Lenalee… C-could you –" he coughed and then cleared his filled throat, "Could you please bring me that piece of paper and pen on my desk? Please?" He offered a warm yet tired smile, and that was all it took for Lenalee to get up and swiftly grab the letter from the table.

She tried, she really did, but her condemnable curiosity got the best of her, and her eyes snaked to the first line of the yet to be finished note.

_Dear Yuu Kanda,_

She froze.

No way. _No way!_

"A-Allen!" She ran over to the sick boy's side, who had begun to sweat in not only his fever, but also in his anticipation and fear. There was no hiding it now. Lenalee would know. He just prayed he was making the right choice.

The boy scooted back in his bed, resting his back against the cool wall. He sat silently and patiently waited for his frenzied mess of a friend to calm down.

Once she stopped hyperventilating, Allen gave her a gentle smile, which she could only respond to with a slight nod.

"Wait- so… No. Yes? Impossible! But- Kanda and- the letters? It was…It was you? Oh, dear god..." She leaned down so that her face was level with the ill smiling teen, as she gingerly placed the paper on his lap. She then proceeded to place both of her hands on Allen's shoulders.

"Allen. Do you love Kanda?"

His smile halted and his heart fluttered, as sad, lonely tears collected at the brim of his innocent eyes.

"Yes."

**Review Please! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, I'm not sure how to say this... I'm so incredibly sorry for this inexcusable amount of time it took to update. I know I'v mentioned this before, but my personal life is really spiraling out of control, which is also leaving me with a fairly severe case of depression. I won't go into detail because I know you guys probably don't want to hear it anyways. SO, I must say, thank you so much for the reviews. There were so many for the last chapter and it really did help me keep going :) thank you all so much for helping me.**

The tears fell.

He clenched his gray eyes tight, trying his hardest to seem brave in front of his female friend, but the pain of his futile love had eaten away at him. His hard shell was finally breaking.

Lenalee wasn't sure what exactly had happened. One moment she was asking if Allen had loved Kanda, and the next she was sitting next to a broken boy, comforting him and hugging him until the tears finally slowed. No matter what really had happened, she knew that her friend was obviously hurting, and she knew that she wanted to make him smile again. When he smiled, the whole order smiled. But now a days, his smiles grew more and more fake or sometimes, merely nonexistent altogether. It affected every person living inside the order; no one seemed to have the usually happy, carefree spunk they usually carried. Allen meant so much to everyone and anyone that had ever walked the long halls of the order, and Allen just wasn't very much himself recently.

Suddenly, as if realizing for the first time what he had been doing, the white haired boy shot up from his slouched position within his friend's comforting embrace, and he wiped away the remnants of his pained tears.

"I-I'm so sorry Lenalee… I guess it was just… sudden…" He finished with an unsettling hint of detachment heavily laced into his beaten voice.

"Allen… What happened? Why are you this sad? You seem beaten. And don't you even dare think about giving me the 'it must be my fever' crap, because you and I both know better than that. Yes, you're sick, but you hardly even shed a single tear when your own _arm_ was ripped off so it's not as though you're weak or anything. Just… tell me what's wrong."

Allen looked up at his friend, her violet eyes were so honest and he soon felt himself relax. He contemplated whether or not to tell the girl. Would she betray his trust and tell Lavi? Would she be mad at him for being so stupid? Would she be sincere with her words and not tell anyone else? Allen couldn't tell. But… he had already told her that he loved Kanda... and she did comfort him as he cried…

"I…well… It's just that… Kanda hates me… But, I l-l-love him… and… I guess I want to be with him, but he just wants to see my cursed and hideous body dead… It just hurts, you know? ... And now you're probably thinking I'm stupid for falling in… in love with this guy…" he laughed an empty, bitter laugh, "well, I guess love is blinding, even if it blinds us from reason."

"Allen…"

"It's alright, though. I already knew I wouldn't ever get my happily-ever-after. I was only living in a fantasy...but…" He looked down at the letter in his lap and then rubbed the corner of his eyes with his sleeves, trying to rid himself of the tears that threatened to fall again. "If you could just… let me indulge myself in this a little longer… just, please help me."

It was wrong, she knew it was so wrong, but she couldn't – no – she _wouldn't_ take away what little happiness the boy was desperately clinging onto, even _if_ that meant helping him with a helpless situation.

"…Okay, I'll help you get through this, Allen." The boy's face almost instantly lit up "_but,_" the girl paused, putting a finger up for effect, "you have to take cold medicine before I do anything."

"Bu-"

"No 'buts'!"

The long haired girl just about flew out of the room and in a matter of mere seconds she was back with a damp towel and small cup in hand. How she was gone and back so quick, the sick boy would never know, but he figured it had something to do with her innocence-powered boots.

The girl approached him and gently set the cup in the boy's pale hand, letting him inspect the thick, purple substance that settled on the inside. Whatever the substance was, it smelled rancid and made the small boy's black pit of a stomach turn.

"Um… Lenalee… this isn't from Komui is it?" he visibly gulped, genuinely terrified for his already poor health.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't subject you to that kind of torture; it's from Jerry." The boy let out a relieved sigh and carefully brought the purple liquid to his lips, only to flinch back in visible disgust as soon as all of the medicine had been entirely consumed.

"Ew, Lenalee that's gross!" the boy childishly complained while simultaneously being pushed so that he was lying down by an indifferent Lenalee. The girl then proceeded to place the damp cloth on his burning forehead. In a matter of short seconds, the pain was ceased remarkably as the boy softly smiled at the thought. Maybe he would be better soon.

"Jerry said that it would make you drowsy, so _no_ walking around, got that?" her tone had a clear underline stating not to question her command, which the boy remained silent to.

Now, Lenalee had known Allen for at least one year, and throughout her entire friendship with the white-haired boy, she had always compared him to the word 'stubborn'. Whether it was in a heated argument about pointless subjects with Kanda in the mess hall, or if it was on the battlefield, diving head first into a hopeless situation because he felt a need and responsibility towards every lost soul. Allen Walker was without a doubt, one of the most stubborn people she had ever known. Because of this trait, the girl had expected at least a small amount of resistance when she had told him to essentially not do anything, so when he remained silent, it had begun a few questions.

The soft sound of pen on paper awoke Lenalee from her mental wanderings and she focused back on Allen only to find him busy, seemingly writing the last of the unfinished letter. The boy looked up at her and gave her a tired smile.

"I write one for him every day. I don't want to stop."

Stubborn.

Here the boy is, sick as a dog, yet he still refuses to stop his writing. Next he would probably be asking if he could physically get up and actually deliver it! In the state he's in currently, even with the medicine, he wouldn't make it up one flight of the order's steep stairs.

The boy looked down at his letter and folded up the corners, concealing the words on the inside. He then drew a small shaded heart in the center, something he'd grown accustomed to drawing on every one of his letters. Call it a habit of sorts.

"Lenalee…" Allen looked up, his grey eyes slightly lidded as the fatigue from within the medicine started kicking in and circulating around his blood system.

He wasn't quite sure if he should ask… Should he? Wouldn't it be imposing? Would it lose the meaning of it all together? Hesitantly, the boy shakily held out his hand and presented the finished and folded letter to the girl.

"Would you please help me and deliver this letter to Kanda?" He couldn't bring himself to meet his friend's sympathizing purple eyes. The boy was scared that she would see him as weak. Or maybe as just a coward? After all, he was stopped by a mere sickness. Would she look down on him _now_?

In the midst of his self-derogatory thoughts, laughter blossomed in the otherwise-still air. Startled, Allen looked up and noticed Lenalee slightly leaning over in delighted giggles. When she finally put herself together and met Allen's gray eyes, she could clearly see the question written in them.

"I wasn't laughing at you, I swear! I was just- well – I was honestly expecting you to bolt out of here and try to deliver it yourself! I'm glad to know that you've finally matured a little and realized that you're _sick_!" Allen looked a little offended at this, but the girl just smiled and waved it off.

The sick boy slowly lowered himself back down to lie on the mattress, a sigh of relief flooding him when the softness of his single pillow cradled his sore head. He was patiently waiting for the girl to reply to his question, but he knew that there was still the possibility that she might decline. And that worried him. He wanted more than anything to keep sending letters. It was as if it were his addiction now.

Lenalee placed her hand over the letter that the boy still held, and smiled at him. "Of course I'll help you, Allen."

Allen sighed. He honestly hadn't thought she would agree to do it. It just seemed out of the question. But, now that she had accepted to help, he felt a little bad for not having very strong faith in his kind-hearted friend.

After carefully tucking away the love letter into one of the numerous pockets that adorned her exorcist uniform, Lenalee sat on the edge of the sick boy's bed. "So, um, how exactly do I deliver it without Kanda catching me? Do you go into his room? Do you slide it into his pocket? Leave it in front of his door? Is there a specific time? I kind of need to know…"

The boy silently laughed at himself. Apparently his medicine-clouded mind had already assumed that the long-haired girl would already know how to give it to the samurai.

"I slide it under his door, usually right after dinner, since he's out practicing late, "the boy tiredly slurred out, his eyes started to shut as his eyelids grew heavier by the second.

With an understanding nod of the head, the violet-eyed exorcist stood up with the letter still safe in her pocket. Turning towards the door, Lenalee gave one last look towards the near-asleep boy, allowing a determined look to dominate her features. "Don't you worry Allen, you're like my little brother, and I won't let anything, or anyone hurt you. Just don't you worry."

As if finally relenting and giving over to Lenalee, the boy nodded off into a calm slumber.

Lenalee rushed down the halls, trying to remember which floor Kanda's room was on when suddenly, something tall and red blurred in front of her and she soon found herself on the ground, with none other than Lavi Bookman sprawled unceremoniously over her.

"Lavi?"

"Hi Lenalee! How's it going?"

"Well, considering you just fell on top of me and we're both laying on the floor, I'd say it's not really 'going' at all…"

Thrown out of his daze, the fiery haired exorcist leaped up onto his feet and sheepishly scratched the back of his neck.

"Sorry about that… I was running from Yuu and I guess I wasn't paying attention." He nervously laughed while offering a hand to help the fallen girl stand up.

Smiling, the long haired girl accepted his hand and stood up beside him. "That's alright, Lavi! But, um… what did you do this time to upset Kanda?..."

"Nothin' much. Just, ya know, poured an entire container of wasabi in his soba. Nothing really. He got all mad over it, though," he sighed, "drama queen."

"Lavi…" The redhead looked at her expectantly.

"You're a moron."

Said moron cried out in denial as he threw his arm around his friend. "No~! Lenalee! Don't be so mean! You hang around Yuu too much! It's worn off on you!"

The girl pried the elder off of her and gave a half-hearted glare. "Knock it off, Lavi. Please, for once, just act your age."

Thrown off guard, Lavi held up both of his arms in defense, "Whoa, what happened to you? You were fine just a sec ago! Aww, is widdle Lenalee mad today~?"

The feigned concern only proved to piss off the female even further and she stubbornly crossed her arms and huffed. Lavi always had a way to say the wrong thing. Usually, she wouldn't mind this very much, but after her encounter with Allen she'd been on edge, and dangerously close to toppling off.

Lavi, after spending a few seconds oblivious to the fact that his friend might actually be frustrated for a purpose, decided to try his luck and ask again, more sincere this time around. "So, uh, what _are_ you mad? Did something happen?"

Lenalee softly hummed in response as she uncrossed her arms. "Allen's sick, and I'm just really worried about him… and to top it off, he told me that he li-… Never mind." The girl internally cursed herself for the slip up. She just prayed that her hyper active friend hadn't caught it.

"He told you that he what?"

Damn it.

"Um, nothing! Now, uh, I'm going to go have some… Dinner! Yeah, dinner… What time is it again?..."

Softly chuckling at the girls frantic and yet painfully obvious cover up, the red head once again flung his arm around Lenalee's shoulders and began walking towards the cafeteria. "Close enough to dinner time! We'll just be a tad bit early!"

While sitting down at a table with Lavi nearly half an hour after their conversation in the hallway, Lenalee was surprised to say the least when a particular sword-wielding exorcist came to their table and sat down with a meager bowl of steaming soba. Of course, the man didn't make any move to speak to them or even make eye contact, but the mere fact he was sitting with other people was enough to get both Lenalee and Lavi to stop their previous irrelevant chatting.

Being the more apathetic of his own safety, Lavi decided to break the somewhat tense silence that had derived the moment Kanda had sat down. "Hey! Not that I'm not glad that you're sitting here or anything, but… why _are_ you sitting here? Finally going to admit that I'm your best friend huh? Well, too bad! Cause Lenalee's already my best friend! You waited too long! I'm sorry! I've replaced you!" He ever dramatically announced, causing the victim of such theatricals to scowl.

"Like hell. I just don't want to be stuck sitting with moyashi or whoever the fuck it is that keeps sending me stalker letters."

Lavi laughed at that, "Honestly, Yuu! The way you say it, you make it sound like you put the two on the same level! I mean, I know you don't like the kid and all, but it's not like he has a _crush _on you! Give him at least some credit, right Lenalee?!"

Lenalee froze and then started nervously laughing. "Ha, y-yeah… Allen would never like someone as mean to him as Kanda is… Hah… I mean, he deserves someone that treats him well…" In the midst of her trying to confirm Lavi's false accusations of Allen, she had ended up speaking what she had believed. She really felt Allen was somewhat in the wrong for liking Kanda. Yes, it sounded mean and it sounded harsh, and it was nowhere near her place to decide who the young boy fell in love with, but she also believed that he deserved much more. Kanda insults him, Kanda hurts him, and Kanda ignores him. Meanwhile, Allen's heart is astonishingly large, Allen is brave, and Allen loves Kanda to the point of tears. Lenalee just thought that through the entirety of the young boy's past experiences and with his loving nature, he should love and be loved in return.

By the time the girl had stopped her mental debating, she had realized that the dark haired man had left, not even the bowl of soba still on the table to remind her that he was ever even sitting with them in the first place. Lavi, however, was still talking about something or another; apparently unaware that Lenalee wasn't paying attention.

"Lavi," she interrupted.

Seemingly surprised by the sudden intrusion in his epic tale, the fire headed male quieted and hmmed in response.

"When exactly did Kanda leave?"

"Whoa, you really were deep in thought! He left about eight minutes ago. I'm pretty sure he's off training." He responded with a light flick to the girl's forehead.

Without another word, Lavi's dinner partner had left the table then the room, heading to who-knows-where. He couldn't help but frown at the thought that she might be going to see Kanda. Why else would she leave like that after asking about their dark haired friend?

Meanwhile Lenalee was nervously fingering the letter still inside her pocket. Allen had told her to deliver it after dinner so that Kanda wouldn't be in the room. She hadn't thought that she would be so nervous. Why was she so nervous? It wasn't like it was her own love letter to the man. Was it because she was afraid of being caught? Possible, but not likely… She couldn't quite put her thumb on it, but whatever it was, it was pulling on her conscious and quickening the pace of both her pace and her heart.


End file.
